If nominated…
Caroline Kennedy has asked Governor Patterson to appoint her to Hillary Clinton’s vacant Senate seat. In the interest of Democracy, I have decided to do the same. I do this to offer the people of New York a choice, but not too much of a choice…. As it happens, Caroline Kennedy and I have a lot in common.
According to Wikipedia (oh come on, what? you think I’d do real research?), she “is an attorney, writer, editor and serves on the boards of numerous non-profit organizations.” I’m not an attorney, but I think I’ve practiced as much law as Ms. Kennedy has. I’ve also sat on the boards of non-profit organizations… I’ve also helped run non-profit organizations. I write and I’ve been an editor. Once, I was Black-Dragon editor for The Brandesian.
Kennedy went to Radcliffe, which was founded as a Harvard for girls. I went to Brandeis, which was founded as a Harvard for Jews.
No, I’m not Jewish. Neither is Caroline Kennedy.
Kennedy’s dad was President of the United States of America and a hero to millions. He said famous things like, Why does Rice play Texas? We choose to go to the moon.
My dad is a carpenter and computer programmer and he says things like, There’s nothing to fear but being chicken.
Her step-father was an international playboy and one of the richest men in the world.
My step-father is an international archaeologist and is the richest man in his house.
Her mother wore cute hats.
My mother is a senior partner in a major national law-firm and she looks even better in hats.
Kennedy supports legislation legalizing same-sex marriage and so do I!
Kennedy is pro-choice and so am I!
Kennedy has this thing against assault-rifles (go figure!). I don’t so much.
Kennedy is an honorary chairman of the American Ballet Theatre.
I was a theater major in college and have been to the ballet.
She also supports unity of Jerusalem and believes that Jerusalem should be the undivided capital city of Israel. I agree. Go Jerusalem!
Caroline Kennedy has never held political office and neither have I. Although… I did once run for Oregon State Representative. I didn’t win (I lost to the Republican, the Democrat and… so help me, an actual, honest-to-Stalin Communist.), but by virtue of a failed bid for state office some 15 years ago, I can honestly say that more people have voted for me than have ever voted for Caroline Kennedy.
Governor Patterson, I submit myself for your consideration. I expect to hear from you soon.
Patrick for Senator!
You certainly outdo Caroline in one crucial area: public eloquence. At least you sound like you know what you’re talking about, which is truckloads more than I can say after cringing through Kennedy’s “press” conferences last week. Oy …
Patrick was a Black Dragon Editor! LOL! Ahh memories.
“Kennedy is pro-choice and so am I!” Yeah, but you don’t want to spend my money for somebody else’s abortion, making your conception of choice more conditional than Kennedy’s (ie, anyone can choose to have an abortion, even if others must be compelled against their will to pay for it vs. you can have the abortion only if you can pay for it yourself or via the use of voluntary charity).
You have my vote, dude. I’d run, but I can’t even walk. D’oh!